WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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