Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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