I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
