The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
