Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize