The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
