first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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