he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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