They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
