Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
