OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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