why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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