The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
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