I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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