My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
