Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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