how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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