dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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