Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
