I accidentally had phone sex last night
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
