Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
