Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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