I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Randomize
