whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
