covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize