Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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