I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
