i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Pants are for mortals
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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