I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
