the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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