I'd wear matching sweaters with you
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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