k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
