you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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