I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
