Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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