Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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