Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
