There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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