I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
