i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
