You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
