cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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