she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
