I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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