You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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