I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize