His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
