i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
