If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Randomize
