Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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