I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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