We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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