i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize