True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
