I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize