I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
