I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
