i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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