So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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