He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
