Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
