Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
