meet me or not, i'm out of control
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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