I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
