anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
