walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
