And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
