My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
