Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
