I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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