i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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