i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
