i barfeds in our rink
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize