Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
