Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
