hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
