# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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