you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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