right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
