Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
