Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize