At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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