Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
