My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
