Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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