We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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