We need to rekindle our bromance
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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