No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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