Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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