the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
