I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
