I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
